Bitchin'

The dude's asking $3500 for this '71 Camaro with the typical array of muscle car add-ons: carb, intake, headers and minor rust.



This car's not good, it's not pretty, it might be fast, and it's not cool. Only one word properly describes a 2nd-gen Camaro: Bitchin. Luckily, someone wrote a song to expand on this idea. Follow along.

Rod - Well, that's another story; the important thing here is you gotta ask me how I'm gonna get down to the shore.
Joe - Uh, how you gonna get down to the shore?
Rod - Funny you should ask, I've got a car now.
Joe - Oh wow, how'd you get a car?
Rod - Oh my parents drove it up here from the Bahamas.
Joe - You're kidding!
Rod - I must be, the Bahamas are islands, okay, the important thing now, is that you ask me what kind of car I have.
Joe - Uh, what kinda car do ya' got?
Rod - I've got a BITCHIN CAMARO!



BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
I ran over my neighbors
BITCHIN CAMARAO, BITCHIN CAMARO
Now it's in all the papers.
My folks bought me a BITCHIN CAMARO with no insurance to match;
So if you happen to run me down, please don't leave a scratch.
I ran over some old lady one night at the county fair;
And I didn't get arrested, because my dad's the mayor.
BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
Doughnuts on your lawn
BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
Tony Orlando and Dawn
When I drive past the kids, they all spit and cuss,
Because I've got a BITCHIN CAMARO and they have to ride the bus.
So you'd better get out of my way, when I run through your yard;
Because I've got a BITCHIN CAMARO;
And an Exxon credit card.
BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
Hey, man where ya headed?
BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
I drive on unleaded.

"Bitchin Camaro" By the Dead Milkmen.

\m/ \m/

Just Buy The Classic

Today's cars are boring. More accurately: "Today's cars are boring" is a quote I hear all too often amongst auto enthusiasts.

The Car of The 21st Century is indeed over-optimized for the purist. What once was handled though screwdrivers and fancy footwork is now contained in the sorcery of silicon. Automotive excellence depends on the kids whose parents provided them with sensible transportation in high school allowing them to focus on their studies, rather than spend Sunday night keeping the moped/Pinto/Chevette running. Opening the hood is like disrobing an alien. The parts are there...but there's no making sense of it.

"It's such a shame," they comment "that you can't get a stripped-down sports car/econobox without all that extra crap. I bet it you could get a Camaro under $20k and 3000lbs if they offered a stripper model". There's usually a debate about active Vs passive safety and a "when I was a kid we crawled all over the bench seat..." thrown in for good measure.

BMW should've made the MINI smaller, all sports cars should come with the option for no options, and what's with all the airbags?

Well, I tell you what: Shut the Hell Up and just buy the classic.


For half the price of most new cars, you can get a beautiful daily-driver grade vehicle from the era you so selectively remember as great. Let me get you started with eBay motors. The cars pictured were harvested from the completed listings section and represent actual prices that these cars sold for.



A funny thing happens if you suggest this. A stream of excuses pours forth, everything from blaming the wife to problems with snow to driveway space/maintenance issues. Never mind that for the difference in price between the classic and a new CamCord/Fusibu, you could afford a second car/bike and pay mechanic's bills for a number of years. Provided we're not talking about a Crosly, anything from the 60s onward still has a usable parts base.



Locating it will detract from your blog commenting time, though.